My Life Be Like...

Hm, that's a good question. At this moment I'm not really sure what to think. When I was home I was satisfied with where God had me, although I wanted to experience something new, so I started looking. I applied at a few different places and things didn't work out, then Eckerd called me back and I thought about it and prayed about it, and eventually ended up here; this was the only open door God gave me so I stepped through it. My time here has been extremely rough, I had asked God to challenge me and to put me outside of my comfort zone, and well I got what I was asking for. I am at the point right now where I'm trying to figure out how to maintain my sanity, my Relationship with God, My new relationships, and old relationships. Really I find myself being so stressed and overwhelmed that most of the time I don't even think about these things, all I can seem to think about it how many days I have left till I go on time off. I asked God to challenge me and now its being shoved down my throat so vigorously that I'm doing all I can to hold back the vomit and fight through it. Honestly I really do not enjoy what I am doing, I feel like my heart is not in it and I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling of going to work and counting down the days, hours, even minutes till I can leave. I find keep asking am I convincing myself that my heart isn't in this or is this really not where I should be... I think a lot of it is myself, but I don't know how to deal with it so my next thought is this. At that one moment in time this was the only door that was open to me, and I decided to step through it. How am I going to find another open door unless I look for one. So currently I am looking for another job, waiting for that open door and praying that I'll be able to discern what the next step is. I miss having a community of people who genuinely care about one another, people who you can have good conversation with and who will pour into you just as you pour into them. I do think that I am working with Eckerd for a reason and that I will learn something from this, I'm just not quite sure what that it yet. This is what has been on my heart for a few weeks and this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I know God is faithful and I would appreciate prayer in this while I try to figure out the next step.