Over Thinker.

When you Enter a situation you think about every possible outcome.

You Always dress in layers and carry an umbrella on your arm.

When it comes to mans best friend, You had one once, But he ate your shoes and then had problems digesting them; So you decided you would rather be alone.

When it comes to Love, it gives you a headache. There is too much involved. Your afraid of failure, of loosing, of saying the wrong thing...or maybe the right thing.

You over think yourself out of heartache, yet...your alone, thinking to yourself.

Look Deeper.



I've been unsatisfied with my lack of skills. When it comes to "art" My mind goes blank. My roommate pointed out to me that I was trying to be too artsy and wasnt being myself. So this is my attempt to be creative in my own way. here goes.

                    

The Next Thing.

I made it back to Boone. The drive went by surprisingly fast, and consisted of cassette tapes of many different varieties of music, two peanut butter and honey sandwiches, Alot of coffee, Alot of bathroom breaks, and some rain. I had my first day at rock dimentions, it felt really good to get back to work. I missed the feeling of someone depending on me. I start training for high mountain expeditions on Monday. I'm kinda nervous, but I'm ready to start doing stuff. When I was home I was getting nervous about money and how I was going to pay rent and how I was going to pay for gad and for bills, I had to step back and remember that I'm not in control and I never will be. God has always provided and He wouldn't stop now. My gas money was taken care of, and as soon as I got to Boone A friend gave me an awesome deal on a house. God is good.

thoughts ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Its hard not knowing alot of people; I don't want the people I do know to feel like I'm a burden.

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I need to kick this funk I have of not wanting to do things alone.

Otherwise I'm going to have a lot of days like today. One of those do nothing days.

I hate those days.---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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This is one of the books Im reading right now, I love it.

An End In Sight.

The end of a long journey is close at hand. I am officially done at camp E-Ku-Sumee march 31st. November to April may not seem like a long time (it was), but believe me its been quite the learning experience. The next week of work is going to be extremely difficult for me; I feel this disconnect from my group, like I've already mentally moved on. I am trying with all I am to finish strong. The next move for me will be to Boone NC, I'm currently looking for a guiding job/ anything I can find. My plan is to stick around Boone for a week or so and then I'll be driving back home for a few weeks to visit people and just take a break physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am Really looking forward to being home and being surrounded by people who know me who know my heart and can talk to me and support me in a way that I haven't felt in awhile.

I am also VERY excited to see my beautiful niece and nephew and hold molly! (I haven't even done that yet...Weird!) Also I cannot wait to make some crepes and watch gentlemen prefer blonde's with Megan. And I'm going to try really hard to make it back for Rachael's Art show. I'm so proud of her, she has worked SO hard and is finally going to be done! I don't feel pulled in any certain direction, so I'm here waiting for God to open another door, pray for me please. Good night.

Whats next?

Life has not slowed down, some days are better than others. I feel I am in a much better place since my last post, I have felt very encouraged by those close to me; near and far. I know that God is teaching me things that I have never learned before and growing in ways I have never grown before. If you asked me to, explain to you what I have learned, I couldn't tell you, I'm still trying to figure it out. I do feel very blessed to have Saturdays and Sundays off again, I have been able to start going to church again! yes! Its an amazing feeling being in that kind of community after being away for an amount of time. Currently I am sitting in a house in Colorado looking out the window at beautiful mountains and a foot or more of fresh powder, its amazing. God is good.

My Life Be Like...

Hm, that's a good question. At this moment I'm not really sure what to think. When I was home I was satisfied with where God had me, although I wanted to experience something new, so I started looking. I applied at a few different places and things didn't work out, then Eckerd called me back and I thought about it and prayed about it, and eventually ended up here; this was the only open door God gave me so I stepped through it. My time here has been extremely rough, I had asked God to challenge me and to put me outside of my comfort zone, and well I got what I was asking for. I am at the point right now where I'm trying to figure out how to maintain my sanity, my Relationship with God, My new relationships, and old relationships. Really I find myself being so stressed and overwhelmed that most of the time I don't even think about these things, all I can seem to think about it how many days I have left till I go on time off. I asked God to challenge me and now its being shoved down my throat so vigorously that I'm doing all I can to hold back the vomit and fight through it. Honestly I really do not enjoy what I am doing, I feel like my heart is not in it and I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling of going to work and counting down the days, hours, even minutes till I can leave. I find keep asking am I convincing myself that my heart isn't in this or is this really not where I should be... I think a lot of it is myself, but I don't know how to deal with it so my next thought is this. At that one moment in time this was the only door that was open to me, and I decided to step through it. How am I going to find another open door unless I look for one. So currently I am looking for another job, waiting for that open door and praying that I'll be able to discern what the next step is. I miss having a community of people who genuinely care about one another, people who you can have good conversation with and who will pour into you just as you pour into them. I do think that I am working with Eckerd for a reason and that I will learn something from this, I'm just not quite sure what that it yet. This is what has been on my heart for a few weeks and this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I know God is faithful and I would appreciate prayer in this while I try to figure out the next step.

Forward Motion.

After an awesome road trip, two weeks of training I finally had my first week of work. I don't think I've ever been given so many dirty looks or been sworn at a many times as I was in my first five days of work. And I really don't mind. It's sad to see 11 girls who don't care how their actions effect their life. It motivates me to think more about how I talk to people, talk about people, how what I say effects the people around me.

This makes me laugh because it is just SO ridiculous, some of the girls come up with sayings and before you know it every girl is saying it "so tell me how...blah blah oh my !@$!"?*%($ dot dot dot question mark".....yeah, I don't get it either.

I want to try and read one book every two weeks,(if possible) recommendations are welcome. Right now I'm reading crazy love by Francis Chan. I have a quote out of it and this is my challenge to you, "what I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) "Christ-ians" by those watching their lives" Is this something that we are actually carrying out in our day to day lives?

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love