An End In Sight.

The end of a long journey is close at hand. I am officially done at camp E-Ku-Sumee march 31st. November to April may not seem like a long time (it was), but believe me its been quite the learning experience. The next week of work is going to be extremely difficult for me; I feel this disconnect from my group, like I've already mentally moved on. I am trying with all I am to finish strong. The next move for me will be to Boone NC, I'm currently looking for a guiding job/ anything I can find. My plan is to stick around Boone for a week or so and then I'll be driving back home for a few weeks to visit people and just take a break physically, mentally, and spiritually. I am Really looking forward to being home and being surrounded by people who know me who know my heart and can talk to me and support me in a way that I haven't felt in awhile.

I am also VERY excited to see my beautiful niece and nephew and hold molly! (I haven't even done that yet...Weird!) Also I cannot wait to make some crepes and watch gentlemen prefer blonde's with Megan. And I'm going to try really hard to make it back for Rachael's Art show. I'm so proud of her, she has worked SO hard and is finally going to be done! I don't feel pulled in any certain direction, so I'm here waiting for God to open another door, pray for me please. Good night.

Whats next?

Life has not slowed down, some days are better than others. I feel I am in a much better place since my last post, I have felt very encouraged by those close to me; near and far. I know that God is teaching me things that I have never learned before and growing in ways I have never grown before. If you asked me to, explain to you what I have learned, I couldn't tell you, I'm still trying to figure it out. I do feel very blessed to have Saturdays and Sundays off again, I have been able to start going to church again! yes! Its an amazing feeling being in that kind of community after being away for an amount of time. Currently I am sitting in a house in Colorado looking out the window at beautiful mountains and a foot or more of fresh powder, its amazing. God is good.

My Life Be Like...

Hm, that's a good question. At this moment I'm not really sure what to think. When I was home I was satisfied with where God had me, although I wanted to experience something new, so I started looking. I applied at a few different places and things didn't work out, then Eckerd called me back and I thought about it and prayed about it, and eventually ended up here; this was the only open door God gave me so I stepped through it. My time here has been extremely rough, I had asked God to challenge me and to put me outside of my comfort zone, and well I got what I was asking for. I am at the point right now where I'm trying to figure out how to maintain my sanity, my Relationship with God, My new relationships, and old relationships. Really I find myself being so stressed and overwhelmed that most of the time I don't even think about these things, all I can seem to think about it how many days I have left till I go on time off. I asked God to challenge me and now its being shoved down my throat so vigorously that I'm doing all I can to hold back the vomit and fight through it. Honestly I really do not enjoy what I am doing, I feel like my heart is not in it and I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling of going to work and counting down the days, hours, even minutes till I can leave. I find keep asking am I convincing myself that my heart isn't in this or is this really not where I should be... I think a lot of it is myself, but I don't know how to deal with it so my next thought is this. At that one moment in time this was the only door that was open to me, and I decided to step through it. How am I going to find another open door unless I look for one. So currently I am looking for another job, waiting for that open door and praying that I'll be able to discern what the next step is. I miss having a community of people who genuinely care about one another, people who you can have good conversation with and who will pour into you just as you pour into them. I do think that I am working with Eckerd for a reason and that I will learn something from this, I'm just not quite sure what that it yet. This is what has been on my heart for a few weeks and this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. I know God is faithful and I would appreciate prayer in this while I try to figure out the next step.

Forward Motion.

After an awesome road trip, two weeks of training I finally had my first week of work. I don't think I've ever been given so many dirty looks or been sworn at a many times as I was in my first five days of work. And I really don't mind. It's sad to see 11 girls who don't care how their actions effect their life. It motivates me to think more about how I talk to people, talk about people, how what I say effects the people around me.

This makes me laugh because it is just SO ridiculous, some of the girls come up with sayings and before you know it every girl is saying it "so tell me how...blah blah oh my !@$!"?*%($ dot dot dot question mark".....yeah, I don't get it either.

I want to try and read one book every two weeks,(if possible) recommendations are welcome. Right now I'm reading crazy love by Francis Chan. I have a quote out of it and this is my challenge to you, "what I find interesting is the simple thought that the Christians didn't name themselves. But rather, they were called (or named) "Christ-ians" by those watching their lives" Is this something that we are actually carrying out in our day to day lives?

We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that all unity may one day be restored
And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
They will know we are Christians by our love

The Big Sky

If American mythmaking had followed anything like the true ancient pattern, the mountain man would certainly be our number one Hero by now. Our tendency toward urban uniformity, with its multiplication of human frustrations, our high degree of literacy, and the presence of movies, radios and tv sets have already made his time, the time of the great westering, into a kind of American golden age. And that is exactly the sort of remote, enviable but not quite believable morning of the world in which heros (with a small ''h'') have always been freed of their too-literal being and become Heros, representative figures capable of performing legendary deeds. -The Big Sky A.B. Guthrie Jr. ......This is the Best book intro EVER!

Be Happy

There are so many things in life that let you down, sometimes its hard not to get bogged down by it all. Its funny how the most unexpected people can bring you back to the reality that Life is what you make it, and I have it pretty good.

Faith

Faith is believing in something you cannot see (thats right) Faith is important if you wanna make God happy (its very important) F-A-I-T-H Faith faith faith faith is believing in the God Almighty.

This was my first explanation of what faith is. It was simple. Love God, have faith and believe. The concept of faith is still simple in my mind, however I have come to see that there is So much more to faith. I have put my thoughts on faith into three categories.

1. Take action in faith
2. Live in faith
3. Test and grow in your faith

Faith is an action. Luke 18:42 is an example of taking action in faith

³⁵As Jesus was approaching Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the road begging.³⁶Now hearing a crowd going by, he began to inquire what this was.³⁷They told him that Jesus of Nazareth was passing by. ³⁸And he called out, saying, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"³⁹Those who led the way were sternly telling him to be quiet; but he kept crying out all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"⁴⁰And Jesus stopped and commanded that he be brought to Him; and when he came near, He questioned him,⁴¹"What do you want Me to do for you?" And he said, "Lord, I want to regain my sight!"⁴²And Jesus said to him, "Receive your sight; your faith has made you well." ⁴³Immediately he regained his sight and began following Him, glorifying God; and when all the people saw it, they gave praise to God.

Bartimaeus Had faith that Jesus could heal him, he acted on that faith and was healed. Faith is not something you merely believe its something you act out in everyday life.

James2:17

Even so faith, if it has no works(action), is dead, being by itself.

Live in Faith. Acts 11:24 for he was a good man, and full of the Holy Spirit and of faith And considerable numbers were brought to the Lord.

People should be drawn to us because of our faith. Like Bronx said "Be a sticky person." Are you someone who people are drawn to and want to be around? Why are people drawn to you? Matthew 28:16-20 is the great commission, Christ charges us with the task of going into the world and spreading the gospel. Are we living out our faith in a way that will bring people to Christ? Romans 1:8 is somthing that We should strive to attain.

⁸First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for you all, because your faith is being proclaimed throughout the whole world.

We need to test and grow our faith. Galatians 3:23-25

²³But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed.²⁴Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith.²⁵But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor.

The law was our mediator, growing us and learning us. Now in V.25 we have faith/Christ and its up to us whether we're going to grow in our faith or be dead in it.

2 Cor 13:5 ⁵Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you--unless indeed you fail the test?

Christ motivates our actions or should. Non-believers do not have Faith to guide there actions.

1 Peter 1:6-7 ⁶In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials,⁷so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

We all go through trials in life, We have two choices we can preserver through it and grow in faith or we can choose not to grow from it. Its not always easy (believe me I know) but like it says in 1 Cor 10:13 Christ wont give you more than you can handle.

1 Peter 5:9 ⁹But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.

So in conclusion I have three questions. What motivates your actions? We can all say and do right while people are watching and expecting us too but what really fuels you? Is it faith?

1 Timothy 6:12

Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called, and you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.